Love Whomever You Want

11 Jan


“Paint who you love, Love whomever you want”, these song lyrics of a Russian pop/rock band Khaki* run through my head. The first time I heard this song, I was filled with an unexpected yet overwhelming happiness. The simplicity of love suddenly became clear to me: we can love whomever we want! I was astonished at the beauty of this idea; just imagining loving whomever I wanted made me want to run out onto the street and kiss passing strangers out of sheer joy.

Yet why should a simple thought like this have caused such an extreme reaction in me? Simple: I had never heard of such a thing being possible. If I were to tell Western Society about my new discovery on love, She would laugh and say something along the lines of:

“We can’t just love whomever we want! Firstly, love is uncontrollable – you just fall in love, whether you want to or not. You could fall in love with anyone and not have the least say in it. Secondly, everyone has rules on love, whether it’s believing that you should only love someone who is good looking, or wealthy, or intelligent, or from a good family. And then think of all the people in the world who aren’t allowed to love who they want, because of religion or race or class or any other such issue. And even if we don’t take any of these things into account, and we do start loving whomever we want, most of us would be pretty screwed pretty soon, because the other person isn’t guaranteed to love us back! My darling, believing that we can love whomever we want is just being naive…life isn’t a fairytale, you know!”

That’s the message we have been hearing our whole lives from left, right and centre. In books, films, adverts, songs, television dramas and magazines we hear about unhappy love, or forbidden love…or, worst of all, unrequited love. We have been made to believe that we can only be happy if we’re receiving love; otherwise, our own one-way love will only cause us misery, pain, sleepless nights, agonising days and loss of faith. In this light, loving whomever we want seems like a joke, because we expect the other person’s feelings to make our own love whole.

But what if we were to take no account of external factors? What would we get if we wiped away our family’s expectations, the rules of our class and race, the laws our gender and religion, and the existence or non-existence of the other person’s love? We would get a child’s pure love.

Children do not know who they ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ love. They don’t even mind if you don’t ‘love them back’. We’ve all seen a child love a stranger. If a child loves you he will approach you, play with you, draw pictures for you (or about you), give you presents, hold your hand and want to spend as much time as possible in your company. Children don’t expect anything back from you, they simply enjoy that moment of happiness that they have with you.

Being able to love whomever you want, doesn’t mean: “Loving whomever you want and being loved back by them”, or “Loving whomever you want and being able to share the rest of your life with them”, or “Loving whomever you want and being forever happy with them”. Loving whomever you want simply means that you are free to love whomever you want in you own heart. Even if circumstances do not allow you to give or show your love to the person or people you love, you are still free to love them inside yourself. Even if your love for someone isn’t openly spoken about, if it is silenced by tradition or religion, customs or laws, your love still exists inside your own heart. And that is the beauty of it.

We can love whomever we want because our soul is capable of loving anyone and everyone on this earth.

Being able to love whomever we want is considered as one of the greatest freedoms. Yet we don’t realise that we already have this freedom; we have always had it and always will have it. We could and can and always will be able to love whomever we want, because the true love inside us is infinite and unconditional. It is a child’s pure love.

*Sorry, no English version of their site is available.

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6 Responses to “Love Whomever You Want”

  1. Pia 12/01/2011 at 19:11 #

    So it is. 🙂 And I wholeheartedly agree with you, the beauty of love, I believe, is in giving love, opening your heart like a child, and never, ever giving up. Never growing bitter and angry, even if the world does not love us back. Lovely words you’ve written here, thank you. 🙂

    • l0ve0utl0ud 12/01/2011 at 21:06 #

      Thank you so much for your comment; your reflections are completely true and very beautiful. Wishing you all the best, Pol

  2. petalsandsepals 24/05/2012 at 17:12 #

    Amazing and profound thoughts !!! Love is the most unselfish of all emotions and does not seek or demand anything for itself but wishes well for the person ,who you love !!!!

    • l0ve0utl0ud 24/05/2012 at 17:30 #

      You’re right! And that is surely the meaning of unconditional love 🙂

  3. Thomas 12/10/2012 at 22:03 #

    Wow, I’m sad I didn’t stumble across this post earlier! Everything you’ve written is exceedingly true (yes, not true, but exceedingly true.) As a gay seventeen-year-old in a very conservative family, I’ve grown up being taught that I can only marry an Asian female who can cook well, makes money but not as much as I do, and believes herself to be inferior to me. It’s funny because none of those things apply to what I want from a relationship, although the cooking would be nice. Society and its rules makes things so much more difficult than they should be, when in the end, love is love and no law or person should be able to stop that.

    What a profound post. (:

    • l0ve0utl0ud 14/10/2012 at 20:11 #

      I too find it absurd that people make up ‘rules’ on love and on whom we should love. Love has no rhyme or reason. One of my favourite poems expresses this very well: What It Is – Erich Fried

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