Friends for Friendship, Not for Fear

7 Jun

For the past few weeks I have been surprisingly unsettled and it is only today that I found the most probable reason for this anxiety. Next week, three of my closest friends are coming to visit me in my new country, my new city and my new life. Amongst organising our long week-end, amongst looking forward to spending time with them and hearing their stories about the past four months, I am filled with fear.

What will they think of my new life? What will they think of the way I have changed? What will they think of my new views and my new reflections? What will they think of my new worries and my new problems?

I realised that my anxiety comes down to own fear: I am scared that my friends will not like my new life. Or, to put it straight, I am scared that my friends will not love the new me.

These are friends with whom I had my wildest days at university. These are the girls with whom I shared high heels and short dresses; they are the ones who curled my hair and did my make-up before a night out. With these girls I danced on tables and talked to too many strangers. These are the friends who would sit wide-eyed and open-mouthed while I told them about my week-end. These are the friends who are used to a girl whose every minute is filled with activity.

When they arrive next week, my friends will see a girl with barely any make-up on. They will hear a calm voice telling them about a life spent riding bikes, taking walks in parks, watching sunsets, picking wild flowers, going to local markets, taking photos of nature, writing in bed, reading on the balcony and imitating owls. They will find a girl that keeps to herself and is sometimes shy in social situations. They will find a girl that likes to share thoughts on life and death, friendship and love. They will find a girl that is the most confused, yet the most content she has ever been.

When I realised that the cause of my anxiety is a fear of rejection, I thought about how I could make the best of the week-end that I will spend with my friends, without letting insecurity ruin special moments. I immediately remembered a wonderful post I’d read about welcoming guests, and I realised that this is not a time for fear, but a time for love. These are precious days in which I can share my joy, laughter and positivity with people who mean the most to me. These are moments in which I should be giving and sharing, not taking. These are times when I am supposed to be being honest and open, and not trying to impress or Friends Hugging on Beachentertain. This is an opportunity to show my friends how much they mean to me, and not to expect proof of friendship from them.

Fear will most certainly always reside in my heart, but the best thing I can do is to respond with love. So I’ll stop fretting about the broken tiles in my bathroom and the ugly chest of drawers in the living room. I will stop worrying about not knowing the best restaurants or liveliest bars. I will forget about learning the city inside out or getting the best deals for days out. Instead, I will simply do my best to welcome my friends with open arms and give them my open heart.

14 Responses to “Friends for Friendship, Not for Fear”

  1. Jacey Faye 07/06/2011 at 11:50 #

    This is such a beautiful post, and I agree whole-heartedly with it. Honestly, your blog itself is beautiful, as is your general outlook on life, and I am really happy to have stumbled across it. 🙂 ♥

    • l0ve0utl0ud 07/06/2011 at 21:41 #

      Thank you very much for your beautiful words. I am very happy that you have stumbled across it and I welcome you to my little world 🙂

  2. John Archer 07/06/2011 at 15:27 #

    Way to go. True friends will never judge because within the Heart there is neither Fear or Judgement. Be strong and clear about who you are and the purpose for your life. When you have that, opinions of others become meaningless. So much love and humility coming from this post. Really enjoyed it. Thank you.

    • l0ve0utl0ud 30/06/2011 at 19:07 #

      Thank you for your wise and true words about friends. It is indeed very important to be honest – to ourselves and to others.

  3. Lenore Diane 07/06/2011 at 15:40 #

    Remember, Love Out Loud, your friends may have changed, too. They may arrive with little makeup, sneakers and a request to just sit and relax for the weekend. True friendships endure the changes in life. Because life changes – constantly.
    Great post! Here’s to a wonderful visit with your friends. ~ Lenore

    • l0ve0utl0ud 30/06/2011 at 19:08 #

      Thank you very much! Life and people do change constantly and it is wonderful to live through these changes with our close friends.

  4. sailingspirit 07/06/2011 at 16:55 #

    Beautifully done! I can hear the exhalation of relief in your writing, and the return of peaceful anticipation.

    Like the previous comment, I just wanted to point out that even the non-stop party goers eventually tire out; if your friends have started to experience the limits of fulfillment available from life in the fast lane, they may be seeking a better-quality fulfillment only you can open up to them for it’s beauty and simplicity. Even if they don’t embrace it right away, they will take the ponderance with them like a nagging throat tickle that won’t be ignored, and eventually have to face the fact that contentment and bliss are to be found in the very simplest, most honest things within reach, not the things they have to strive and contort to reach.

    I hope you all have the most wonderful of times together.

    • l0ve0utl0ud 30/06/2011 at 19:14 #

      Thank you very much. Your comment is filled with very interesting thoughts. It is by being honest to ourselves that we give the example to others to do so, too.

  5. wordswithpurpose 09/06/2011 at 23:55 #

    I love your post! If anything, your “new life” will inspire your friends. Hopefully, they will grow and evolve with you. It’s so important that we connect with each other in a more meaningful way. Just relax and enjoy the time together. Thanks for sharing!!

    • l0ve0utl0ud 30/06/2011 at 19:05 #

      Thank you. Yes, we did indeed relax and enjoyed the time together!

  6. Flamingo Dancer 10/06/2011 at 01:51 #

    I experienced many of the same emotions until recently, when I reconnected with friends. I felt that I had to present the best version of myself. Then I took the decision not too. I am just me, I don’t white wash life to make it seem perfect. And the wonderful thing is that they are now doing the same, and we are reconnecting in ways that we haven’t in years, and actually seeks to spend more time together! It was one of the best things I have done in years.

    • l0ve0utl0ud 30/06/2011 at 19:04 #

      That sounds wonderful! It is such a relief to try to be perfect, but just be natural. It makes life easier, lighter and brighter 🙂

  7. Barbara 14/06/2011 at 18:15 #

    “They will find a girl that is the most confused, yet the most content she has ever been.” I find myself situated in this wonderful paradox over and over again through the years. I like the way you put it! Hope you’ll let us know how the visit went. People are always changing in pleasantly surprising ways!

    • l0ve0utl0ud 30/06/2011 at 19:03 #

      Yes, it is a wonderful paradox, yet very hard to explain to those who’ve never felt it before! The visit went well, thank you. I may add a post about it soon.

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