Tag Archives: Conversation

Because My Soul Wants It

4 Sep

I can hear God chuckling, like a father amused at his daughter’s childish worries.

“But I thought it would be easy”, I moan desperately and sincerely. “I thought that one day I would just be an author; that I would be intelligent, talented and inspired”.

God is hiding laughter in the corner of his mouth; his eyes radiate joy and compassion.

“I don’t understand why I’m stuck”, I half-whisper. “I don’t understand why I’m not getting anywhere”.

God ruffles the trees in the park and blows a group of clouds to the South. The oaks bend towards me beneath his breath.

“You’re looking at everything the wrong way”, he replies calmly. “Instead of seeing yourself as someone who isn’t making her dream come true because she has not been printed in magazines or is not hailed by critics or does not have novels selling out in bookshops, see yourself as someone who is not afraid to admit her dream and to work towards it. You are taking action every day to try and realise your dream. Think about that and rejoice in it”.

A black veil falls from my eyes and I suddenly see myself and my life in a new light. I am someone who has taken a conscious decision to make my dreams come true. I must think not about the things that stop me, but about the things that keep me going on this journey.

“You get stuck because you forget the reasons for which you want to be a writer,” God carries on, running his fingers through tree branches and waving a small space of sky clear for the sun to come and say good morning. “Remind yourself of what moves your heart the most, what fills you with life and peace.”

I look at the autumn leaves, so much drier than they were a month ago. They look fragile and tired. They would crumble and scatter over the earth if I were to take them into my hand.

God follows my thoughts. “You are most inspired by and in nature. You love nature, but often resist your love, because it will get you nowhere in society.”  The old oaks nod in agreement and a ray of sunlight makes it way through the morning’s heavy clouds.

“You are in awe of nature, you understand it more than you think,” Gods peaceful voice resonates across the park as I sit still, absorbing the day’s colours, sounds and temperatures. “You hear nature and nature hears you. When you connect to it, you are inspired. When you write about it, you are fulfilled”.

The clouds have dispersed and the sun is heating my arm. Flowers lower their eye lids and lift their faces to the sun, for the optimum tan. Bushes wave their arms frantically, trying to get the sun’s attention as it undresses, throwing off its white robes.

I feel peaceful. I can’t remember what had roused me into my earlier frantic state. All I can think of are those endless fields that I walked through this summer. The grass danced to the wind’s rhythm and I walked in silence, listening to the forest’s fairytales.

“Write from the soul, not from the mind. Write, because your soul wants it, needs it, loves it. Write, because you know that it will bring Me joy to read your work. Write, because you know that it will bring Me joy to see you writing. Write, because you want to talk to nature, not because you want to be talked about by people. Leave the politics, the drama and the psychology for others to deal with; you have your own thing to talk about.”

I watch the sun turning leaves from dark green to golden. It is hot now; this morning’s clouds have gone to water neighbouring lands.

“Thank You for bringing the sun out”, I say.

“You needed it!” he laughs, sending the first leaves spiralling off their branches into the stream.