Tag Archives: Dream

Because My Soul Wants It

4 Sep

I can hear God chuckling, like a father amused at his daughter’s childish worries.

“But I thought it would be easy”, I moan desperately and sincerely. “I thought that one day I would just be an author; that I would be intelligent, talented and inspired”.

God is hiding laughter in the corner of his mouth; his eyes radiate joy and compassion.

“I don’t understand why I’m stuck”, I half-whisper. “I don’t understand why I’m not getting anywhere”.

God ruffles the trees in the park and blows a group of clouds to the South. The oaks bend towards me beneath his breath.

“You’re looking at everything the wrong way”, he replies calmly. “Instead of seeing yourself as someone who isn’t making her dream come true because she has not been printed in magazines or is not hailed by critics or does not have novels selling out in bookshops, see yourself as someone who is not afraid to admit her dream and to work towards it. You are taking action every day to try and realise your dream. Think about that and rejoice in it”.

A black veil falls from my eyes and I suddenly see myself and my life in a new light. I am someone who has taken a conscious decision to make my dreams come true. I must think not about the things that stop me, but about the things that keep me going on this journey.

“You get stuck because you forget the reasons for which you want to be a writer,” God carries on, running his fingers through tree branches and waving a small space of sky clear for the sun to come and say good morning. “Remind yourself of what moves your heart the most, what fills you with life and peace.”

I look at the autumn leaves, so much drier than they were a month ago. They look fragile and tired. They would crumble and scatter over the earth if I were to take them into my hand.

God follows my thoughts. “You are most inspired by and in nature. You love nature, but often resist your love, because it will get you nowhere in society.”  The old oaks nod in agreement and a ray of sunlight makes it way through the morning’s heavy clouds.

“You are in awe of nature, you understand it more than you think,” Gods peaceful voice resonates across the park as I sit still, absorbing the day’s colours, sounds and temperatures. “You hear nature and nature hears you. When you connect to it, you are inspired. When you write about it, you are fulfilled”.

The clouds have dispersed and the sun is heating my arm. Flowers lower their eye lids and lift their faces to the sun, for the optimum tan. Bushes wave their arms frantically, trying to get the sun’s attention as it undresses, throwing off its white robes.

I feel peaceful. I can’t remember what had roused me into my earlier frantic state. All I can think of are those endless fields that I walked through this summer. The grass danced to the wind’s rhythm and I walked in silence, listening to the forest’s fairytales.

“Write from the soul, not from the mind. Write, because your soul wants it, needs it, loves it. Write, because you know that it will bring Me joy to read your work. Write, because you know that it will bring Me joy to see you writing. Write, because you want to talk to nature, not because you want to be talked about by people. Leave the politics, the drama and the psychology for others to deal with; you have your own thing to talk about.”

I watch the sun turning leaves from dark green to golden. It is hot now; this morning’s clouds have gone to water neighbouring lands.

“Thank You for bringing the sun out”, I say.

“You needed it!” he laughs, sending the first leaves spiralling off their branches into the stream.

Counting the Blessings, Not the Events in My Life

15 May

I had heard that time flies, but no-one had told me that it soars. The past year has gone by with the blink of an eye. For me, it has had little form and even less structure. What have I done during the past twelve months? What has happened in the last 365 days? Looking back, the past year looks like a stretch of time marked by uncertainty, emptiness and waiting. Things have moved at a slower pace than ever before, and there are few events that have been caught on camera or written into a diary. However, when I think about the past year, I realise for the first time that it is not the quantity of memorable events that matters so much as their quality. This year has brought few notable events, but they have had a crucial role in the direction of my life’s path.

1) I graduated from university.

2) I went on a life-changing trip to India.

3) I completed a novel-writing course, which made me realise that, despite my fears, that I am capable.

4) I was offered my first ‘real’ job in a field that I love.

5) I moved to a different country.

6) I moved in with my boyfriend.

However, when I look back at the past year, these events feature only as a backdrop to that which happened on centre stage. In fact, it is my spiritual experiences and changes that played the main role during this period of time.

1) I got rid of 50% of my material possessions. In my new home, I live only with the things that I use regularly.

2) I deleted my social networking accounts. If they’re my real friends, I should be able to call them to find out about their lives. If I feel uncomfortable about picking up the phone to speak to them, I don’t need to be filling my mind with their lives. Seven months without Facebook, and I feel calmer, more confident and I know who my true friends are.

3) I took a risk. When I started job-hunting last autumn, I knew that I had two choices: I could either persevere and look for jobs in the field that I love –writing – or I could take the easier option of going into a better paid, more stable and more ‘prestigious’ career. Parents considered The City or the EU as a good destination for me, but I knew that if I didn’t take the chance to try my luck in writing, I would never again have the opportunity to do so. Three months later, I was offered a job as an online content editor.

4) I made a dream come true. Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of working in a cute little bookshop, where I would be able to pass on my love for literature to others. In the autumn, I was hired for a week-end shift at a new independent bookshop in my area. I only worked there for four months, but the experience was unforgettable. I was blessed with kind, knowledgeable and good-humoured colleagues, with friendly clients and with a brilliant stock of books to enjoy.

5) I chose love over fear.  What if I don’t like it? What if it doesn’t work out? What if he changes his mind? What if we get bored? A million doubts filling my mind before moving to a new country and moving in with my boyfriend. Four months after my move, this new life feels like second nature.

6) I was honest with myself. Young women my age are going to parties, filling their days with countless activities, following fashion, spending, seducing, networking…I tried, but never found fulfilment in any of these activities. I finally admitted to myself that I would prefer to spend Friday night watching the sunset from a hill, spend the afternoon riding a bike, spend evenings doing yoga, spend the week-ends doing photography, and spend my money on dance class, art exhibitions or fresh local food from the market. By being honest with myself, I have found a more natural way of life.

This year, I may not have had many events to talk about, but I have had many ideas and feelings to share. I think I am finally starting to learn how to count the blessings, and not the events in my life…

Climb the Tree, Get the Fruit

22 Apr

There are those people who sit under a tree waiting for the fruit to fall down, and there are those who climb the tree to get the fruit themselves. The former group is passive: these types of people expect life to give them everything they want without making an effort to get it themselves. The latter group is active: they do not wait for opportunities – they make them; they see possibility in everything.

I have known both types of people. I had an acquaintance who spent his days regretting giving up the guitar: he was one of the most talented students in his music school, but decided not to pursue a musical career and picked a more academic subject to study at university. His regret for giving up a musical path would send him into depression every time he watched someone play the guitar. However, despite his ‘grief’, he did nothing to get himself onto the musical path once again. He had several guitars at home – he would never practice; he had connections with many musicians – he did not ask them for gig or concert opportunities; he had perfect pitch and a great knowledge of music theory – he did not try to find students to teach. In short, he expected opportunity to fall into his lap from the sky; he wanted to wake up one day and be a successful guitarist without the effort that goes into it. The people who expect miracles without putting in any work believe that they are victims of an unjust fate. Spending time with these people leaves you tired and lacking in energy, you start to become blind to the beauty of life.

As for the second group, I have been lucky to know many people who make their own opportunities and create their own fate. One friend choreographed and taught a dance for our university dance show, whilst having almost ten essays to write during the same time period of time – she managed to do both brilliantly. Another friend applies (and gets selected) to do unique programmes abroad each summer: Israel and Zimbabwe are two of the places where she has done study and research projects. A friend from school took a year out of university to live in Columbia and perfect his Spanish; “I want to plan my life in my own way. I don’t want a university course system or anything else to tell me that I can’t take great opportunities to do things like this”, he said. Other friends have run marathons, written plays and cycled across Europe. These people are full of energy, full of hope and full of optimism. It is not their ‘achievements’ that inspire so much as their love for life. It is their belief that life is abundant, life has given them everything and that all they have to do is just make the most of it.

I myself have been both of these types: there are times when I jumped at every opportunity and made opportunities for myself. But there were also times when I lacked motivation and energy, when I wanted to change aspects of my life, but took no action to do so. Now, during moments like these, I always try to think about the active people that I know:they would get their asses up and do something to create change. It could be the smallest change, but it is still something that gets life into motion, that stirs the universe and turns the wheels of our destiny. Thinking of these people reminds me that I have absolutely no excuses not to be living the life of which I dream.

Whenever you are feeling unmotivated, lacking in energy or in hope, think about someone who has inspired you, be it a friend, an acquaintance or a famous individual. Remember that one must climb the tree to get the fruit; the height may be scary and the braches may scratch you along the way, but the view is so much better from the top.