Life’s Beautiful Surprises

We often hear that the greatest opportunities and our life’s most important moments come from being “in the right place at the right time”. This can also be called ‘sheer accident’ or, as I like to call it, ‘destined coincidence’. With no prior planning or intention, we meet someone, see something or participate in an event that overthrows our life. This comes as an unexpected coincidence, yet it is so perfect for us at that precise moment, that it puts us into a sort of ecstasy. We are overwhelmed with happiness at the beautiful surprise that life threw our way. We cannot believe that none of this was planned; as if we were getting the present we most wanted from an absolute stranger.

Yesterday, I happened to be “in the right place at the right time”. Through a series of coincidences and intuition hints, I found myself meeting one of the bestselling British writers of current times. Not something I was expecting on a quiet afternoon in a foreign country! I was part of a small group to attend the writer’s talk at a literary festival in town. The writer, down-to-earth and honest, talked about his new novel, and, at the end of the event, was more than happy to chat in his mother tongue to the only Brit out of the group (me!). Our brief exchange created the possibility of this author hosting an event at the London bookshop in which I used to work (and to which I am still greatly attached). And all I had planned that day was a walk in town!

This meeting with the talented modern writer completely disoriented me. I was ecstatic not only from having had the opportunity to meet this author, but to have met him so unexpectedly, in such a perfect coincidence. And this got me thinking: are perfect moments like this only possible as coincidences? Or are they perfect precisely because they are coincidences? I doubt that I would have been ecstatic had I planned my meeting with the author months in advance; in the same way as knowing what you will be given for your birthday takes away the joy and surprise of receiving the present. It is precisely the surprise of such a perfectly destined coincidence that made the moment so special.

I wanted to say thank you for this wonderful gift. But who was I to thank? Who do we thank for a destined coincidence? Who do we thank for a perfect moment? Who do we thank for life’s beautiful surprises? And how is it that we should show our gratitude?

If You Love It, Teach It!

“The best teachers teach from the heart, not from the book.”  ~ Author Unknown

The best teacher that I have ever had stood out from all the dozens of others by one simple thing: love. This teacher loved what she taught, she loved teaching and she loved her pupils. Every time I was in her class, I felt as if that hour with her was sacred. She treated every pupil as her own child, and taught us in a way that showed us that we were just as important to her as she was to us. She truly wanted to share her knowledge with us, and to make us discover the happiness that she herself experienced through this subject. Through her honesty, openness, attention and care she did more than teach – she inspired.

In current times, it is rare to find a teacher with all of the above qualities. I have come across teachers who taught simply to make money, or because they couldn’t find another job; I have known teachers who were unqualified and unmotivated, and those who simply did not care about their students. Jacques Barzun rightly said that “teaching is not a lost art, but the regard for it is a lost tradition”. The current focus on passing exams and getting the best grades has transformed learning from a process of discovery to a process of repetition, regurgitation and memorisation. Teachers are no longer valued as our guides to self-discovery, and they are no longer respected as professionals with a wealth of knowledge.

There is never a shortage of eager students looking for the perfect teacher (all of us would love to learn one thing or another), but unfortunately, there is a shortage of eager teachers looking for the perfect student. Why is that? Because we have come to believe that being a teacher means having a qualification or a post to confirm our abilities. In fact, there is a teacher in all of us: we all have something that we love and that we would love to pass on to others. Last week-end, I taught yoga to a friend. We did a ‘proper’ class, with postures, sequences and techniques, and both of us came away happy. I am not a yoga master, nor am I trained as a yoga teacher, but yoga is something that I love, and something that I would love to pass on to others, and therefore it was a great pleasure for me to spend an evening teaching it to someone who was curious and willing to learn.

We all know how much joy it brings us to share our passion with others, and I believe that one of the best ways to do this is by teaching. Whether you love literature, singing, playing on the piano, gardening, knitting, swimming, writing, playing chess…there is someone who would love to learn from you. Whether in a formal or informal class, paid or free, with friends or strangers, regularly or irregularly, to a group or to an individual, sharing what you love is a gift. Don’t let your talents and your passions go to waste – pass them on!

If you love it, teach it!

Help Another to Heal Yourself

“The best way to heal emotional turmoil is to do something for someone else,” my grandma always tells me. In recent years, it has become fashionable to be egocentric. Phrases such as “Spoil yourself”, “Give yourself a treat”, “Go on, you deserve it” and “Me, me, me” have become extremely widespread in the world of advertising. And worst thing is: we buy it.

Doing things for other people is now viewed in a negative light. Family life is seen as a sacrifice, rather than the greatest gift; doing chores for friends and relatives is seen as a favour, rather than a pleasure; helping out a stranger is seen as a burden, rather than a natural act of compassion.

The most common cure for emotional turmoil has become ‘taking some me time’: going shopping, treating ourselves to a nice dinner, taking a week-end away to cool off. However, in doing something for ourselves in order to get a worry off our minds, we are channelling energy into ourselves. And because this energy is fuelled by a negative primary thought, the energy inside us gets clogged up, never blossoming into something positive. It creates the opposite effect to what we desire: we become more obsessed with our problems and even more frustrated because our ‘cures’ haven’t worked.

If we do something for another person at a time when we’re in emotional angst, the result is completely different. Firstly, our thoughts move from ourselves to another person. We not only stop thinking about our troubles, but we realise that everyone around us has problems of their own…and that ours are often ridiculous in comparison. Secondly, when we do something positive for another person, we do it out of genuine good will. Our blocked negative energy transforms into positive energy. Thirdly, we return to a loving way of perceiving the things around us: we see the wonderful effects of our positive actions on the lives of others and we realise that love is more important than anything else.

Doing something for someone else can be as big or as small as you want it to be: doing the housework for your parents, cooking dinner for your partner, helping your younger sibling with their homework, doing the shopping for your elderly neighbour, doing the dishes for a flatmate who’s late for a date, completing work for a colleague who has fallen ill, replying to the long-forgotten e-mail that your friend sent you. When we do even the smallest things for someone else, a weight is lifted off our chest: we see that there is more to life than our internal world and there is more to life than the problems running through our heads.

When we feel frustrated, anxious or confused what we need the most is to put things into perspective. And the best way to do that is to remind ourselves of the bigger picture: we are surrounded by people who love us and who also need our love. Unfortunately, just reminding ourselves of this is often not enough to dispel the agitation that our minds get into. But actively doing something positive for someone else is not only a sure cure for our own emotional turmoil, but quite possibly a cure for someone else’s too. After all, doesn’t it make our day when someone does something nice for us?

The Extraordinary Ordinary

“If I died today, I’d be happy with the life I’ve had,” my friend said at the age of eighteen. “I’ve had everything I needed: a good education, a roof over my head and food in my belly”. Her words have stuck with me since. At that age I had never heard anyone be grateful for such ‘basic’ things; most of the young people around me measured their happiness in clothes, in popularity, in money, in parties, in status, in partners. In my school, students avoided being ‘average’ at all costs. Now, this trend is spreading like a disease across the continent.

In Western society, being ‘happy with what you’ve got’ is often interpreted negatively as ‘settling for less’. Leading a life of calm contentment and simple pleasure is considered as lack of ambition, laziness, cowardliness and generally being a bore. We have become obsessed with the idea of ‘a life worth living’, which has come to mean living fast, achieving lots, having wild adventures and ‘trying everything once’. With so many opportunities and options open to us, we have come to believe that the way to enrich our lives is to fill them up with as many things as possible. “Quantity, not quality” seems to be society’s current motto.

The American golfer Walter Hagen famously said: “You’re only here for a short visit. Don’t hurry, don’t worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way”. He recognised that we should make the most of life, but his vision of the way in which this can be done is very different to what we witness today. His quote evokes a life of slow and calm movement. The pleasure he portrays of ‘smelling flowers’ is one that represents the simple pleasures of life. Hagen is encouraging us to appreciate the everyday things, and in doing so to turn something ‘average’ into something amazing.

Those who have tried this know that it takes effort, patience and courage to love the smaller things in life. Yet the rewards are much greater. When we realise that even plain objects are beautiful, that even ordinary events are meaningful and that even (so called)  ‘unexpeptional’ people are precious, we learn that everything we experience is a gift. Nothing and no-one is average – everything and everyone is exceptional. When we see the miracle in everything around us, we begin to love everything around us. Calm contentment and simple pleasure become our saviours; they are what give us energy, hope and happiness.

Most of our life is made up of what we call ‘everyday’, ‘mundane’ or ‘routine’ things. Therefore, we may as well make friends with these constant companions. When we stop taking things for granted, we realise that the ordinary is actually quite extraordinary.

The Gift of Intuition

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift
and the rational mind is a faithful servant.
We have created a society that honours the servant
and has forgotten the gift.”
– Albert Einstein

Our intuition nudges us constantly. It is a powerful but gentle force, guiding us softly but surely. Most of the time it comes to us in what we consider banal situations, so we don’t listen to it, thinking that an intuition is for ‘bigger, more important’ things.

Today, during my Saturday shift at my local independent bookshop, I was drawn in particular to one title: Twenty-one Locks by Laura Barton. I kept looking at the book, picking it up, flicking through it, reading passages of it. I couldn’t pull myself away from it.

Something was drawing me to the book, yet my rational side was trying to dissuade me against buying it: “You have too many unread books at home”, “You shouldn’t be spending so much money on your passions when there are more important things to take care of”, “You don’t even know whether you’ll like it”. Ah, the rational side of us – why does it always try to ruin all the fun? But most importantly – why do we listen to it so often? “You’re right,” we say to it, as if speaking to a scolding parent, and at the same time we turn our backs on our best friend Intuition.

I decided to research Twenty-one Locks on the internet, in the hope of finding something to help me make up my mind. I found an interview with Laura Barton …and warmed immediately to her. Laura came across as being down to earth, open and just simply lovely! She used beautiful language, including metaphors and imagery, which really evoked her persona. One phrase of hers stuck out at me in particular: “I hoped that if I just wrote as honestly as I could then people would respond to it”. Although I has sensed it already, this phrase confirmed that Laura writes for love; she writes from her heart, from her passions and from her interests. “[…] Life is too short to be nasty about things”, she said in the interview, and I knew that Twenty-one Locks would follow this motto. It would be a book created by a love for writing and a love for life.

In this everyday, seemingly banal situation of deciding whether or not to buy a book, my intuition had been guiding me in the right direction from the start. I listened to it in the end: I bought the book (and I really look forward to reading it). I just hope that next time I will trust my intuition enough to not have to use the internet for confirmation!