Tag Archives: Pray

I Haven’t Been a Good Friend to You

29 Aug

Dear God,

I have realised that I haven’t been a good friend to You. I seek your company and Your guidance when I feel lost or unhappy, yet when everything is going well I barely give You a second thought.

I run to You in an emergency, I pour out my problems to You on my ‘bad’ days, and I expect You to be there for me every time I feel unhappy or unsatisfied.

And yet, I never thank You for the passing of all the beautiful days You give me. I forget to tell You how happy I am to have passed an interview, found a new home, or made a new friend. I take it for granted that the sky is blue and that the sun is warming my skin. I am blind to all the miracles You perform in my every day life.

I am beginning to realise just how much You do for me. Today, You reminded me to take my umbrella, because You knew it would rain; You whispered poems to the trees, which swayed to the rhythm of Your voice as I walked past. You cleared the clouds to help our tomatoes ripen in the sun, and You gave me ten minutes to drink my tea in stillness and in silence.

I am sorry for having taken You for granted for so long, and I am sorry for having been such a selfish friend. You have continued to give me love and care, despite my ingratitude; You have continued to give, despite not receiving anything in return; You have been loving me unconditionally.

I thank You for everything, and especially for helping me realise my ingratitude.

I promise to be a better friend to You from now on.

All my love,

Your (selfish) friend

Embracing the Unknown

30 Jun

Three weeks have gone past since my last post. A whirlwind of events, thoughts and feelings provoked a natural pause in any ‘creative’ activities. In the past three weeks summer arrived unexpectedly, friends came and went, I grew a year older, I gave my month’s notice of resignation, I was reunited with people who I haven’t seen for two years, I cut my hair shorter than it has ever been, I saw breathtaking sunsets, I cried from happiness on several occasions, I came across confusing and irrational conflicts, I prayed, I listened, I got unexpected answers from unexpected places.

I am once more at a time of the great unknown. Yet for the first time, I welcome the unknown like a friend. In the past few months, the unknown tested me, challenged me and took me out of my comfort zone. The unknown revealed parts of my character, both positive and negative, that I had never known; it revealed desires to which I had never admitted; and it made me stronger by showing me my weaknesses.

It is not in my perfectly planned and organised life that I learnt about myself, but it is in moments of uncertainty, of turbulence and of absolute incomprehension that I managed to grasp, even a little, at my true essence.

Our first meeting with the unknown is like our first meeting with silence. It seems like there is nothing but emptiness Footprints on Beacharound and no matter how loud we scream our questions, we get no answers, except for an echo, in return. Yet is is not from silence that we should expect a reply, it is being in silence that allows us to hear our own answers. In the same way, it is not the unknown that will guide us, but our inner guide that will emerge once we’re in it.

In today’s society, we’re used to receiving answers and advice from a variety of external sources, whether it’s a GPS, an agony aunt, Google or a phone call to a friend. We rely on other people to tell us how we feel, what decision to make and which route to take. Yet what would we do if we got lost in a foreign place with no street names, no map, no phone and no passers by to ask for directions? What if we had to find our way without any external help?

In the past few weeks I came across a problem to which I had no answers…about which I didn’t even have a clue. I needed help, advice, guidance, yet I couldn’t think of who or what could offer me help in such a situation. I felt that rationalisation, discussion and writing out pros and cons would not be good enough. This was not a matter that the mind could solve. This was a matter of the soul.

And so I prayed. I sat in silence and I searched for an answer deep within. And something unexpected, something that no one else would have advised, yet something that was so perfect for the situation came to me. My intuition gave me an answer that I couldn’t have received from anywhere else.

So today, I will rejoice in the unknown, because it is the unknown that makes me listen to myself, that helps me understand myself and that gives me freedom.

A quote has been running through my mind all these weeks, which truly captures the beauty of embracing the unknown:

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planed, so as to have the life that is waiting for us” ~ Joseph Campbell